


PyuQmuku

by PsychoticEvolution



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Q being stupid and Picard being tired of it, bad language, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 05:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11983020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoticEvolution/pseuds/PsychoticEvolution
Summary: Q finally convinces Picard to go on a date that is not on the Enterprise. It doesn't quite go as planned.





	PyuQmuku

**Author's Note:**

> Slight crack because it's short, sweet, and humorous.
> 
> For the 2017 Qcard Big Bang.

“Absolutely not, Q! I will not have you taking me from planet to planet willy nilly because you want to show me these so-called ‘wonders of the universe’. I will not have you stealing me from my ship!”

“Did you just say ‘willy nilly’?”

“Q, for once in your annoyingly omnipotent life, listen to me! I don’t want you taking me off my ship.”

“Jean-Luc, listen to _me_. We’ve never been on a real date, I mean the sex and the breakfast and the dinners are great but we’ve never done anything exciting.”

“There’s the holodeck and the arboretum and-”

“Boring. Please, mon amor, I promise that nothing will happen to your ship while we’re gone. I’ll even bring your precious little friends with us.”

“No, that won’t be necessary, Q,” Jean-Luc thoughtfully ran a hand over his head, “You promise that nothing will happen to my crew and ship?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Q held a dramatic hand over his heart, his smile expectant.

“Alright, Q-”

“Yay!” Q pulled Jean-Luc close to him, the smaller man put his hands on Q’s chest, pushing him back slightly.

“But only for a few hours, I don’t want to be away for too long.”

“Of course, Jean-Luc,” Q kissed Jean-Luc and pulled away with a predatory smirk, “I know exactly where we can go!” Q snapped his fingers and the two were engulfed in a white light.

Jean-Luc smiled when he felt his shoes sink into the sand and Q’s arms firmly hugging him. Q gave a quick peck on Jean-Luc’s head before pulling away.

“Well? Do you like it?”

Jean-Luc examined the unfamiliar terrain. He heard the sea roaring and trees ruffling as the wind blew. He saw the sand below him flux as small creature scuttled underneath towards the water. He inhaled and took in the scent of the salty sea. He had to admit, he felt content being here with Q.

“I must say, it is rather nice. Very peaceful. Thank you, Q.”

“A change in outfit might be necessary, these uniforms aren’t quite the seaside fashion.”

Q snapped his fingers. He was now wearing a white popover shirt with blue and orange striped water shorts. Jean-Luc wore a blue button-up with dark grey water shorts. They both relished the feeling of warm sand slipping through their toes.

“What’d’ya wanna eat?”

“Earl grey tea.”

Q sighed playfully, “Something else?”

“Donuts?”

“Jelly filled?!” Q asked excitedly. Jean-Luc nodded with an amused smile.

“Is it safe to go in the water?”

“Yea-yes...Yes...probably,” Q mumbled.

“Wha-”

“Donuts and tea! Coming right up!”

With a snap of his fingers, Q produced a buffet of fruits and pastries on a picnic blanket. He plopped down and pat the space next to him, encouraging Jean-Luc to do the same. The smaller man smiled, Q really did treat him well. He never would have guessed the omnipotent being who put humanity on trial could be so sensitive and loving. Jean-Luc guessed Q had so much love to give, he had learned over the past few months that the Continuum didn’t have any physical way of showing affection and Q was genuinely touch-starved. He could tell by the way Q clung to him when they made love; in any position, Q’s arms always embraced Jean-Luc. His kisses were always desperate and passionate. There was not a moment when Jean-Luc didn’t feel totally loved by his omnipotent idiot. _His_ omnipotent idiot. _His_ Q.

“You wanna go in the water now?”

Jean-Luc hadn’t noticed himself mindlessly sipping his tea and eating his donut, “Sure, Q.”

Q smiled and pulled his shirt over his head. Jean-Luc blushed slightly as he undid his buttons. He had never undressed in front of Q, except during sex, and for some reason he felt a bit self-conscious.

“Come on, Jean-Luc! I think I see some fish!” Q pulled the smaller man towards the ocean excitedly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so curious about anything before, Q.”

“Uh...yea...well...I guess I’m just excited about going on our first non-Enterprise date,” Q chuckled awkwardly but continued to pull Jean-Luc towards the water.

“Look there they are!” Q let go of Jean-Luc and sprinted towards the water. Jean-Luc watched with an amused wince as Q dived into the waves. He popped back up and shook out his hair.

“Look!” he held up a small, squishy looking sea creature with a mohawk of spikes and an oddly fluffy tail.

“What is that?”

“Pyukumuku.”

“Pyu-pyu,” Jean-Luc huffed, “what?”

“Pyukumuku. This is the first one I’ve ever seen.”

“What?!”

“It’s a newly evolved sea creature on this planet. Ain’t it cute?”

“Put it back, Q. Let’s go.”

“What?”

“Put. It. Back.”

“But-”

“Q,” Jean-Luc warned. Q pouted and slowly lowered himself into the water. Jean-Luc watched him, his features scrunched in confusion, “What are you- you’re gone. Q? Q, come- Oh! For god’s sake, Q!”

Q emerged, with a plethora of pyukumuku hanging off of him. He smirked and lifted a tiny pyukumuku to Jean-Luc’s face, squishing it slightly. Jean-Luc had to admit, it was the most adorable creature he had ever seen but this was a dangerous game. If Q barely knew anything about this species, it was probably best to leave them alone.

Jean-Luc sighed as he pushed Q’s hand away, brushing his fingers against the soft, slimy skin of the pyukumuku, “Let’s just sit on the sand and relax. We shouldn’t disturb the pyu- the pyuku- these fish, we don’t know anything about them.”

“Relax, Jean-Luc. Look at these squishy cuties, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Jean-Luc suddenly saw a large shadow lurking in the water behind Q, “That.”

Q turned around and instinctively held Jean-Luc behind him when he noticed the shadow too.

“Q, I told you.”

“Shut up, Johnny- oh shit. It’s getting closer. Holy fuck.”

“Language, Q- Merde. Nous devons courir. Merde, Q, faire quelque chose.”

“Nous- oof!” Q fell back into the water as tripped over his feet, the pyukumuku had detached from Q and swam towards the shadow.

“That must be their- mother fu-” Q’s curse was unheard, hidden under the roaring of the water as the pyukumuku’s majestic mother shot out from the ocean. Her scales gleamed in the sunlight. Rainbow streaks shined on her row of spikes. Her red eyes bored into the small figures in front of her, her teeth bared. She was at least 5 meters high, not including her tail which coiled protectively around her babies.

Jean-Luc pulled Q towards the shore and they both ran as fast they could away from the beast. Q held Jean-Luc close and a bright flash transported them just as the beast was about to strike.

“Captain?” came Riker’s worried voice.

“Howdy, Riker,” Q gave him a salute.

“Q, what is on your head?”

“Huh?” Q shook his head slightly and a tiny sea creature landed in his hand.

“Pyukumuku.”

“Pyuku-what-a?”

“Pyukumuku. It’s a newly evolved sea creature. Cute, ain’t it?”

“Q,” Jean-Luc warned.

“We best be on our way,” Q snapped his fingers and the couple were now in the arboretum. Q gently put the pyukumuku into the pond.

“Put it back where it belongs, Q. It can _not_ stay on the Enterprise.”

“It’s harmless, Jean-Luc. Besides it has no home.”

“Harmless? Did you not see what these things become?”

“That’s not for years, you can drop it off somewhere between then. The San Francisco base would be happy to study him there.”

“No.”

“But look how happy it is,” Q pointed to the the tiny creature swimming joyfully, playfully poking it’s spikes at the koi fish swimming around it, “It has no home.”

“We just saw the mother.”

“No. This one didn’t belong to that family, it’s a stray,” Q gave Jean-Luc the best puppy dog eyes he could muster, “Please, Jean-Luc?”

“This is bad.”

“Jean-Luc-”

“Not the fish, the fact that I can’t say no to you anymore.”

Q smiled, “It’s fine. I promise to make sure nothing happens to your ship.”

“I know, Q. Just...it’s your responsibility to watch-”

“Fluffy.”

Jean-Luc eyed Q, “...Fluffy. Right. As long as Fluffy doesn’t turn into a giant sea monster.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Jean-Luc gave a tired smile and pulled Q in for a long kiss.

“We should do this again sometime,” Q said with a devious smile, slithering his arms around Jean-Luc’s torso to hold him close, “This was fun.”

The pyukumuku leaped out of the water for a brief moment, followed by an ambitious koi fish. Jean-Luc smiled, “You know what? This _was_ fun, Q. We should do it again sometime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos and/or comments!


End file.
